When I saw it, I had to read an article titled “Scientists have figured out why humans have chins.” I have often been awakened in the middle of the night by the nagging question of why do I have a chin. Certainly I am not alone in pondering this question. So I could not ignore what was sure to be a revelatory experience.

The giant intellect of mankind is surely relieved to learn that the only “possible answer” is that as we evolved, men reduced their testosterone when we decided to hunt Hamburgers instead of dinosaurs. Reduced testosterone results in loss of the Neanderthal trait of overly bulbous heads, but as our heads got smaller, our chins got bigger in order to compensate for the tension caused by chewing. If you follow that logic without a struggle, please don’t try to cross the street without help.

Every good writer knows that the ending is the most important part of a story. The author of this completely factual and fascinating facilitation of facial fibrosis concludes with “No definite answers yet, but its something to chew on.”

That just not fair. Here I sit at a computer I just bought a couple of months ago, with an overwhelming urge to through it out the window. Since I am writing this now, you know I somehow managed to use my fingers to rub my own testosteronic protrusion until I calmed down. Just think of the thousands of dollars that went into such valuable research. Imagine the intellectual void that would ensue if we didn’t spend money on scientific inquiry into why we have a chin? The only thing I can think of more inane than the fact that supposedly smart people would be paid to ponder the question is that someone called a journalist would be paid to write about it.